I’m in a place right now where I truly do not know what to feel. Or, perhaps, more accurately, I’m feeling too many things at once to truly make sense of any of it.

Yesterday marked Reya’s return to the outpatient program she began immediately following her discharge from CHOP.

She attends a full day program, and will until they deem otherwise.  Luckily, this program includes a school component as with school resuming in just about 2 weeks the odds of her being able to attend are, quite frankly, slim to none.

We have had her in treatment for over 3 years for depression and mood disorder.  As time has gone by, though, things have gotten progressively worse as opposed to better and so its time to really get serious about helping her get well … or to at least get a handle on what may wind up being something she won’t be growing out of.

And so, I am back to my usual obsessive level of internet investigation. This time instead of researching obscure ailments, I am researching my daughter’s recent changes to her mental health diagnosis.  I am reading up on symptomology, various therapy types and self-help techniques.  I am (thanks to an old friend) networking with another mother who has dealt with similar issues with her own daughter.  I am trying to get my thoughts and facts in order to make a new appeal to our Superintendent of Schools for out of district placement.

I am living one day at a time.  Sometimes, one hour at a time.  But, I am hoping that things will get easier soon.

I have rearranged some things at work so that I will (once again) be working Sunday through Thursday.  The main advantages of this are that I can sleep “late” 3 days a week instead of only 2 & that I will be doing less “cold-calling” at work.  This alone should help my stress levels.

I hope this finds each of you well and happy.

Blessings

Jia

Image: Francesco Marino / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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