“Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears ”

_ Dream On, Aerosmith

I’m not sure what’s going on with me the last couple of weeks. Maybe its the fatigue. Maybe its the hypnotic level of monotony inherent in my job. All I know is that I am finding myself writing chants while at work.

First I wrote my chant to heal the Gulf. One I found myself singing as recently as an hour ago as I washed the dinner dishes.

More recently I have two other chants written, complete with a tune to sing them to, that I have yet to record and upload. It is a pleasant diversion to an otherwise mind-numbing and soul-sucking way to spend 8-9 hours a day.  But, beyond that music has, for as long as I can remember, been the way I most easily connect with the Divine.

Chanting under my breath at work when there is a brief lull (20 seconds or so) between calls, chanting while I mix up a batch of Magic Dust or stir a pot of sauce, singing while I wash my hair or drive to the store.  All of these are ways to sneak a little spellwork and weave a bit of worship into my days.

I highly recommend it.

Blessings

Jia

“Don’t worry if it’s not good enough
For anyone else to hear
Just sing, sing a song”

- Sing, the Carpenters

Image: jscreationzs / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Accolan, Reya, Sephoni and I live with my father. It came about as a temporary measure nearly 9 years ago for a number of reasons and just gradually became permanent. Dad’s house has three bedrooms and a bath on the second floor. When we moved in this because like an apartment for us. Accolan & I in one room, the girls sharing a bedroom, and the third bedroom became our TV room.

As the girls got older this setup has worked less and less.

1. We couldn’t all fit comfortably on the one couch anymore. With both girls over 5″ now (as well as Accolan & I being a bit fluffy) a three-seater is just too crowded.
2. The room the girls shared was too small for the job. Causing much in the way of clutter, as well as:
3. Reya’s mood disorder makes it even more important for them to each have their own space.
4. As my dad gets older we are making an effort to spend more time downstairs, because you just never know how much time you have left with someone.
5. as well as:

• door slamming
• yelling
• otherwise normal and standard pre-teen & teenage angst
• and much in the way of clothing crises of varying sizes and shapes

Back in the summer of 1991 when we moved in the girls were so young. Reya was 6 1/2 and Sephoni was going on 2.

Now we have a young woman living with us, turning 16 before we hit 2011.  (I met my husband at her age!)  I am amazed to watch her evolve.

Our younger daughter is turning 11 in the Fall.  She is on the cusp of little girl.  Still clinging to it while at the same time yearning for what lies ahead.

Was it a sacrifice to give up the TV room?  Frankly?  Yes.

My husband enjoyed our private evenings.  For now were hiding in our bedroom watching TV on the laptop.  But that too will go away as it doesn’t really work for the long run.

Reya sleeps tonight on her old bed in a room all her own.  She barely remembers being able to do that.

Tucked into bed like I used to so long ago.

A room painted in shades of orange to compliment the color of her late grandmother’s drafting table.  The one we gave her because she’s such a gifted artist.

A room yet to be fully decorated or accessorized, but its hers.  And it makes her so happy that anything I may have given up on will be worth it … is worth it.  I hope she realizes that she is worth it.

Blessings

Jia

Image: Francesco Marino / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Happy Summer Solstice one and all. Joyous Midsummer & Blessed Litha to our Pagan and Wiccan readers.

Today marks not only the first day of summer, but the longest day of the year. Each day from now until the Winter Solstice will have slightly less light. While the days may be long and full of heat and sunlight, we know that Winter is an inevitability. Much like in the happiest times of our life, we know that sorrow will eventually find us again.

In times past our ancenstors made sure to put up our stores for the dark season ahead. In the modern age of supermarket convenience few of us follow this tradition. But, filling up our emotional and spiritual reserves are just as important as filling our freezers and pantries. And so we must be sure to appreciate and enjoy those shining golden days, to fill our hoppers with memories, and to savor every moment of beauty and joy that comes our way.

By doing so we ensure that when the long, cold, dark nights are upon us, that we have within ourselves that which we need to survive until the light returns again.

Blessings

Jia

And to our friends in the southern hemisphere are currently celebrating the longest night, Joyous & Blessed Yule!!

An Ode To Summer

The sweetness of summer floats in the air;
its fragrant scent blowing through your hair.
The tall, green forest sways in the breeze;
the white capped waves surge in the deep blue seas.

The bees flit happily from tulip to rose;
amorous birds strike a beguiling pose.
Furry creatures run hither and yon;
across the ground that we walk upon.

Grasses green and the sky painted blue;
red and gold colors that sunrise will imbue.
Across rolling hills of grain and wheat;
miles of orchards with fruit so sweet.

View the gifts that our mother provides;
the rain, the wind, the sun and the tides.
The fruit of her bounty is ours to enjoy;
Man, woman, girl or boy.

- Copyright, Accolan (of Blade & Cauldron), 2010

Image: Francesco Marino / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

As I mentioned the other day, Reya is not a happy camper this weekend.  Accolan and I are doing everything we can to try and change that by making sure that a good portion of the weekend is “all about her.”

Friday found Sephoni at a pool party for a friend’s birthday, so we took Reya out to pick up presents for her Pop-Pop for father’s day, went out for dinner, and came home with paint for her new room (in 2 coordinating shades of orange) and a really cute lamp.  Then we went out for ice cream.

Today found us visiting the girls’ great-grandparents.  It was a pleasant-enough visit.  Great-grandma has some mild-dementia and tended to forget who we were now and then.  Great-grandpa is dealing with some health issues that are still awaiting diagnosis, with the most likely candidate right now being pancreatic cancer (the disease that killed my mother almost 13 years ago).  More family is coming in from out of state next weekend and odds are we’ll find our way back for another visit.

On the way home we went out to dinner.  One filled with much laughter and followed by the magic of stumbling upon a herd of deer in a soccer field we passed on the drive home.  We parked and let the kids out of the car and watched them walk, slowly, a step or two at a time, toward the herd, looking back happily every time they drew closer than they thought they’d get.  While we watched them we mentally erased the soccer goals and fantasized that we we sitting watching deer on our own property at the home of our dreams in Vermont.

Tomorrow is Father’s Day.  Other than cards to open and presents for my Dad to unwrap (and some fruit smoothie related food shopping to do) we don’t have any firm plans.  All I know is we will find a way to squeeze smiles into it.

Blessings

Jia

Image credit: petewsh61

What can I say?  The time has gotten away from me.

Our daughter Reya has issues with depression and mood disorder.  So in a good week it can be a bit of a bumpy ride.

It has not been a particularly good week.

As I mentioned the other day, she is scheduled to go for an echocardiogram and a bronchoscopy.  This is just the most important two on an ever growing list of testing we need to deal with as a result of a recent diagnosis of a Chiari malformation and some unrelated troubling symptomology.  This is pretty stressful for her … and, frankly, for us as well.

She also has had major falling-outs with two of her closest friends – Sailor and Keyblade Both of whom claim to never want to speak to Reya again.   I can only hope that it turns out to be 98% teenage girl drama so that it blows over and they make up.

As a result, Reya gets to miss an anime convention this weekend.  One she has wanted to go to for years.  One she tried valiantly (although ultimately admitting defeat) to make more than one costume for.  One she was supposed to attend with Sailor and Sailor’s mom.  One she was supposed to stay in the hotel for and be at for all 3 days.  Needless to say she is devastated.  But luckily only angry now at the friend, and no longer at us for not being willing to juggle the finances and scheduling changes (with father’s day and a visit to Accolan’s ill grandfather already on the schedule this weekend) to try and get her there for even one day.

Never mind the fact that I was worried what her reaction would be if we ran into either of these girls at the con itself.  And I was worried what my reaction would be.

I’m pretty worried about her.  Because this isn’t even everything that’s been on the table this week.

I’m worried about her physical health.

I’m worried about her emotional health.

I’m worried about her future.

I can’t let it go.  I keep picking at it …. thinking how to fix it …. researching medical conditions on the internet …. worried pretty much every waking moment.

And that worry has me blocked way earlier than I would have thought on a brand new blog.  But then, a good friend, told me that I should simply talk to you all about just that … about being blocked, about the real reasons why.

And it reminded me what I really love about blogging.  That when its good, when a writer truly engages the reader, it creates a window into another life.  We become intimately familiar with faces and places we’ve never actually seen in person.  We become connected emotionally to people we’ve never met.

What connects us?  Honesty.

That willingness on both sides to have a conversation.  To express real thoughts and true feelings.

And so I share some of my, our, truth with you.  And I welcome yours as well.

Blessings

Jia